The chronicles of Nigeria: The prince, the witch and the bad name

First of all excuse the tackiness of my title..i jus couldn't resist..lol

Ok, is it just me that is frustrated with all the bad press Nigeria has been getting this past month?
First of all every Tom, dick and Harry is claiming to be receiving emails form Nigerian Princes and other guises that Nigerian scammers use. Supposedly, they have now even stepped up from emails to facebook. As in what the freak! I read three different articles about this in the past month alone. Those that are not even scammable plus the gullible ones that have actually been victims. Nigerians need to please stop disgracing our country and bringing all these stupid insults on our name. Abeg!

Next, it was the documentary that aired on channel 4 about witch children. Talk about bringing out all the skeletons in our closet! Ok, y’all know this phenomenon of children being branded witches and wizards has been going on in Nigeria 4rm time. But its one of those things you only hear stories about and the stories are always told from the perspective of the victimised family/bosses etc. Also all those dodgy Nollywood movies helped perpetuate the idea of these evil witch children. So, granted, we were ignorantly living with this phenomena without anyone recognising the plight of these stigmatised damned children. I think that’s why its good to get out of Nigeria to escape the suffocating mentality that you don’t actually notice until you’re out of it. You know like when you’re in a smelly room you become so used to the smell that it doesn’t bother you anymore or you don’t notice it until someone from outside comes in and makes you uncomfortably aware that you are sat in a smelly room. That is exactly the case with this documentary. It shamefully opened up our eyes to what we have been allowing in our country. To make it even worse it was now aired on Channel 4! Do you know how many people watch that channel? They were now doing reruns again?! Now almost every person in England will associate Nigeria with Ignorant, religous crazed people. Not minding that this documentary featured just one part of Nigeria but we will not go into that right now. Cuz really and truly the whole of Nigeria is afflicted with Religous crazed ignorant people..be it the extremism of sharia law in the north, the overzealous witch branding people of the south and just the ever readiness to blame any unfortunate incident on supernatural causes.

It did not end there oh! Some journalist went on to write a story about how day old babies were being sold over the counter in Lagos/ Enugu (the writer was confused about the location). That one got on the yahoo news headlines. That one caused another uproar about gross human rights abuse and yadayada. Excuse my language/tone. I’m not in anyway justifying or condoning all the stupid shameful acts that have been carried out by Nigerians but there is only so much damage that the Nigerian label can take! I mean I have to tell people I am from this goddamned country (We’re not goddamned in Jesus name…lol) and then I have to now be associated with all this bullshit.

Please this our generation better be more sensible. I can only hold a little hope that we would try to change our dirtied image in time. People in general just like to dirty our name whatever chance they get and we give them too many opportunities to do this! So people, pls try to be the best Nigerian you can be! American & British People love being branded by their nationality because they are proud of it. Whatever you do you cannot deny your nationality, so make it something you can be proud of.

I LOVE KANYE WEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just had to say this. No, I have not just seen him in concert. I wish I had. And no, I have not listened to his new album. I can't wait for it to come out!

But I just read an article bout him and he's lonely apparently and he needs love, so if you see this Ye, I LOVE YOU!!!!

Dudes and Dudettes

Ok, so theres this dude I've been chatting to on the phone. I've never seen him before but he saw me at a party n got my number from a friend. From all the info I've gotten, dude is not that good looking but he has dough to make up for it. Not that it matters cuz I'm not THAT interested in faces or his money. At first I was not interested at ALL. As in I jus saw him as nuiscance. But a few phonecalls later, dudes not SO bad. At least he'll do to keep my phone busy right? Ok, so, now dude wants to meet up. Wants me to come down, and as much as I would love a free ticket to london I have made other commitments with my girlfriends at the only time it will be possible for both of us to meet. N after initially saying I would come, I changed my mind, cuz really, its bros (girls) before (male) hoes. So why am I feeling a tad bit guilty???? BS!

Onto a sweeter dudette, My handsome train lover! lol. I swear I'm in love with the guy. We had one long 2hr interesting convo on the train. Almost missed my stop cuz I was so into the convo. We're now facebook friends, one look at his profile and I've fallen even deeper in love! lol. I've been thinking about dude so much its crazy! I hope something good can come out of this... even though theres a 1 in 200 chance of this happening cuz we live in different cities, hes English, yes British English ( this is more a problem against me rather than for me cuz i don't mind dipping outside my race but does he?) and just a tad bit too short for me! lol! Despite my love being doomed, it's really fun, exciting and best of all pain-free!

I should really be working, cuz God know I have LOTS of work to do.
Nosa, will do the tag soon

Rasberry muffin love!!
me!x

Obama-mania

Long time no write! been hella busy....and lazy i will admit =)

Nyways, so whats new? Barrack Obama is now the president of the United states...Is that surreal or what? I mean, I still remember those days when me and dude used to hang......lol. This is the current trend for everybody (Kenyans, facebook people with everyone profile pics n status, JayZ , the formerly proud "black republican" to be claiming Obama) so I decided to jump on the bandwagon. You know if u can't beat them join them. So, I'm telling you now- Obama used to toast me way back in the days...until that fabulous michelle came n stole my man n now my dream. I could have been the first lady! lol.

On the real though, dude has what it takes and the guy can Speak! I watched his acceptance speech and I was almost moved to tears and I'm not even American and the dudes father is not Nigerian. lol. So whats now my own to be feeling all emotional. I swear that guy put jazz on his tounge or something. Which leads me to something else, I have this funny/crazy feeling/theory about dude. But I am not about to share before people will crucify me.

Back soon.
xxx

Limited knowledge/ Free to be me

I am now more than ever in a place where I realise they are so many things I do not know…yet. This unknowingness spans through almost every area I can think of; money management, spiritual things, the art of relationships, worldly things….the list is endless. I realise that I only know so little of these things and I guess this realisation is a good thing because it suggests the onset of a desire to know more and I read somewhere yesterday that its only when you get to the end of you knowledge/strength/resources that you can begin to rely fully on God. So, Jesus take the wheel! Before now, I sub consciously walked around like I knew a fair amount of things, you know, there were some areas I used to feel like a professor in. Now I laugh because they say and I paraphrase “In a blind mans kingdom, the one-eyed man is king” Therefore, it is walking among the “blind” that caused my superior thinking now I’m in the world of two-eyed men big time.

Forgive me for this me-me-me syndrome that is beginning to plague me. As, I said I really want to blog for me now. I mean I love the fact that you guys visit and even bother to comment. I used to be crazy about that stuff in the beginning, one comment from someone could literally make my day and it still does but its different now. Then I craved acceptance…it was all about the end product and how the “user” would relate with/perceive it. You know there were all these funny, witty, juicy gossip, interesting and drama overload blogs. I thought “if only I could be like them and have people drop like 50 comments on one post” lol… but you know what, I’m not, could even be that if I wanted to. I may not be funny, witty, have any thing particularly interesting to say, I may be random and confusing…heck! I don’t know…but I’m going to be me and if in the process of doing that I happen to interest/amuse you or whatever then, wow!... good for you!.

Really I think people ought to have like a mission statement before starting a blog so it can be really clear what you want…me I was doing follow-follow…I saw what other people had, a channel to express their opinion about anything and say what was on their mind, an open community and I wanted in but I didn’t actually cash in on it. I filtered my thoughts and everything…I was just blogging so I could get comments not that I got that many but those few I got where all I blogged for. And it’s nice to get comments but I got it twisted, I should blog for me and then if I happen to get any comments… an additional plus!

This blogsville issue is kinda parallel to real life. I’ve been ignoring myself, hiding, repressing myself so I can be the right model of good girl for mother/family/friends/teachers and everyone. I mean ok, I’m really a good girl sometimes but the problem is once you’re one you can’t stop being one cuz there are expectations and the pressure is killing! I swear I wish I rebelled more in my childhood. My sister moans that she hates being the “bad girl” but I envy her bad girl rep. she can mess up and not get much stick but then I guess she envies my good girl rep cuz people only speak friggin good of you! Labels in general suck! I pray I don’t make that mistake with my kids. Even the worst people have good in them and even the best people have some bad in them, overlooking either side could be fatal. I really just want to be free to be me…whatever that may be..

Lots of mushy strawberry love..lol
me

Changes

Ok..so I've made a few changes round here as you can see. I'ld like to think that I've grown from the girl I used to be 3 years ago well at least I have a renewed vision of what I want and where I want to go in life. I'm definitely in a different place, a more personal place hence my ditching the blog title "Tiwa's world". . At that point in time I wanted to be someone else and to me that name and this blog gave me the chance to live as someone else..to be the person that I wanted to be but couldn't be in real life. . Anyway, a thats changed because now I'm ready to be who I want to be. ME. I'm not planning to loose my anonimousity. I cannot totally dissasociate myself from the name cuz its my blog address and everyone already knows me as that but nevertheless, I'm gonna be more personal and open...It's an issue of overcoming fear and limitations really.

Nyways, you are all officially invited to my world again..lol

Lotta luv!

update

Okay, its been a whillle! I've been quite busy what with getting ready for uni and settling in and freshers week madness. NOw thats's all done with I'm ready to resume my sporadic blogging....lol cuz lets be honest I've never been a frequent blogger. But maybe now that I have internet connection on my laptop in my room instead of having to use a public computer, I'll be better.

Uni's been good so far..first few days were shiite tho. Haven't been out that much which is suprising to me infact cuz I thought by now I would have rocked every club round here... I've been hyped bout freshers week for ages and it just dissapointed a lot but I guess thats just a personal dissapointment cuz the peeps in my hall seem to be having a great time. Shame we're not getting along that well.

Met loooaads of people this week and I've been side-eyeing a lot of eye candy, one eye candy in particular ;-). Also been seeing alot of familiar faces....

My minds a bit disorganised at the moment , so is my room and a few other things right now so forgive me if this post is a bit distant and ramblish...actually I always ramble but today I'm just not on top of it...off to peruse other blogs..

chocolate hearts
x

Its 2:30am and all of a sudden I feel like blogging. My mums just yelled for me to go to bed as we have to make an early start tomorrow, I should go to bed but I won't just yet because I finally have the laptop to myself. If I leave it to tommorow I'll never get round to blogging and i promised I'll be back soon so, here I am!! See how much I love you guys! Sacrifing my beauty sleep for you!!

Did my rounds on blogsville and tintin boy's back!! It's a cool blog and it would have been a shame to loose that one. Also, Ladi's been thinking big about the future and she's made me think I need to start planning my own business too mehn! Cuz really it can never be too early to start making money..abi what do you think?

Was watching Bisi Olatilo show today and I saw the randomest event.....Some fundraising thing for Obama In Nigeria. How ridiculous! Did he come to beg them for money?? Nigeria that needs fundraising for itself is now going to do stuff for a political candidate in America. Did they ever hear him in any of his speeches mention Nigeria?? So what is the point? Joblessness!..when there are so many other causes and problems that they could have helped instead! Mschewww!

Pls don't mind my jumping randomness from topic to topic, I'm in that mood. Went to this party the other day with mumsi and some other relatives and this old man (well, he wasn't that old but too old for me) was all over me! It was even a one year old party can you imagine?! I kept trying to run away from the dude and I thought I succeded. Only for me to get home and have the guy call me on my phone!! The sly guy got my number from a betrayer relative. Gosh! I was so annoyed and now I have to get the guy off my case. Mscheww! not happy! I'm sure you guy are wondering why I've been "mschew-ing" about the place. I just learnt the internet way of hissing! and since I'm not a great teeth kisser in real life, i might as well make full use of my cyber opportunity...lol. Allow me jare!

Need to go to bed now...
hugs
x

....

Guys I'm tres sorry for the lack of updates. I've been very lazy to blog plus I have to use the house computer to blog and its not very easy to do undercover blogging with all the amebos aka the sisters hanging around my house. Nyways, Mz Dee gave me an ultimatum and thats what sprung me back to life...=)

So in the mean time..i got my results which were fantastic!! And now I'm waiting for everyone to wash it for me...fell free to send me stuff..lol. Apart from that things have just been generally mellow... well, besides all the preparation for my auntys big owambe party coming soon. And oh yeah! I went to nottinghill carnival which was a complete and utter waste of time and money...dnt lets go into it. As much as I would love to write a juicy or thought provoking post..I just don't have the blogspiration. But still I have fufilled all righteousness by keeping my promise to mz Dee...=)

I'll come back very soon!!!
xoxo

ARRRGH =) / Random

Right now my sister is annoying the freakin heck outta me! Like really really annoying! Family...u can't live with them and you can't live without them.

I dunno why I constantly find myself trying to live up to the expectations of la famila and as a result, I earn the title of the "good girl" which I totally hate. Me I'll be good, while the other people can be out there and out of control and even though they criticize it they are actually praising the other persons behaviour as well in a way.

I try to be me...but sometimes its so difficult to do that in my family environment. I love all 30 or so of them( yeah I have a huge family and they are all involved in my liffe, one way or the other) and I appreciate their prescence in my life but sometimes they can be so narrow minded and critical it drives me nuts!

*Sigh* I feel like most times I put on this front of who I'm supposed to be, so much so that I think they don't really know me at all. However, I don't know how valid that statement is.

In psychology, I learnt that people have different personalities that they exhibit in different situations. So you don't just have a personality, you have personalities that all combine together to make you. So maybe, that person that they know is me because it's the best me I deem fit for that situation.
I think I've lost a good few people here..lol Didn't intend to write a whiny post but oh well. Man proposes, God disposes =)

On a totally different note, did you guys notice the lyrics of Lil'wayne's "A millie" song? Imagine the guy advertising Nigerians as people with very tough hair "I'm a young money millionaire, tougher than Nigerian hair" (you can listen to the song on my playlist). Please me i don't have tough hair oh! My hair is luxuriously soft and silky, in fact sef, I should be the one modelling for the hair product soft and silk.....lol .This is what I wish.

I have discovered a lot of bloggers that have made me really excited again bout blogsville. I feel like I've been out of the loop for forever actually because I've only known about the oldies..most of whom have packed shop. So I've uploaded the new blogger template which I didn't even know about...Gosh! I'm so stale ... I know and I've added all my new found treasures to my blog roll =)


I guess "thats just the way garri crumbles" as quoted from Vindication's blog...lol..I just had to add that in even though it doesn't really fit in.


Without even realising, I've been on blogsville for two years and a bit ..almost three years now. Time flies oh. Was looking back at my archives and I suddenlly realised how naive and innocent I was/am. The first time I got drunk/tipsy..whatever, the whole fiasco with my first kiss in spin d bottle..lol. and my official first crush...considering all this was only within the last two years..you don't have to guess that i was/am a very late bloomer...

Ok....I've been randomly rambling on long enough, so I'll just take a bow now as the shows is over and I hope thats a resounding round of applause I'm hearing..lol..see how i just stole Rihanna's lyrics

Nyways much love and stay fabulous!

...

Last weekend was a good weekend despite the fact that I still haven't found me a summer job.
Went to a beautiful seminar that inspired me to start living my dreams. Its amazing the amount of people walking around with buried talents and its amazing how a lot of people will die buried with these unexplored talents beacuse of fear. I've decided to take little steps at a time. I met some producer/song writter guy at the event and at least thats one contact. The thing is as much as I'm willing to pursue my dreams of singing and modelling I don't really know where to start from.

I don't really have much to blog about or rather I do but I don't know how to articulate it into this post. Found a lot of new interesting blogs though that are keeping me busy and blogsville idols is heating up.

Nyways, I'm out guys
Have a fufilling week

Free!

Free. That’s how I fell now cuz I have finished my exams!!! I am very happy as well but my happiness is slightly marred by the panic of what my results are gonna be. However, I’m trying my very best to stop worrying and just focus on having fun till the d-day. But mehn, it feels good to be over with school...at least for a while before I start all over again.

By the way, my old crush is coming to visit this weekend. He’s not coming to visit me of course as we were only really acquaintances. It really sucks cuz I kept forcing and convincing myself that I had forgotten all about him and couldn’t care less and it worked…until I heard he was coming. I mean I don’t really like him anymore but still its crazy cuz I’ve planned what I’m going to wear on all the days he’ll be around...lol. The plan is to make him regret that he let the chance with me go by and maybe even push him to spit some game. Lol…I know its not going to work but there’s no harm in trying...besides I really don’t have anything better to do with my time. I know I’m happy and free and all that now that I’ve finished exams but I’m also bored as hell. I really should pack my bags and just go home avoid the whole situation altogether but I wanna spend as much time with my school friends as I can now cuz I know there’s a high possibility that I will never see some of them again.

I was on pink satin’s blog the other day and saw that blogsville08 is coming soon. I am really contemplating becoming a contestant. I dunno though….still thinking. It would be really fun even though I’m not exactly Leona Lewis or Beyonce. As I said earlier on, I’m jobless, so anything to keep me busy. What I should really do is go and look for work, which I am planning to do soon. For now, I’m just enjoying this having nothing to do thing….I know, I’m very lazy :-)

Nyways, I’m out!
Stay blessed.

Buzzzzz

For the first time in a while my head is buzzing with things to write. Such a buzz would normally produce a meaningful bunch of words that all together form a post worth reading. However as this buzz was/is generated in my humble head it is most likely to fall below expectations and come out in an incoherent form of rambling (something I am quite skilled at), so bear with me.

Before I start I need to rant about why most guys my age seem to be stagnating in a pit of immaturity and foolishness. Seriously, talk about people needing to kick start their brains instead of constantly trying to remind us of the existence of their precious organs by drawing sweet little pictures of them on anything they possibly can!
Phew!

Yeah, so back to other stuff, I have been busy studying for my exams which are supposed to be like an all consuming priority at the moment… (So tell me what I’m doing writing this post and flicking through blogsville for gossip??) Anyhoo, I’m sure I’ll be just fine (feel free to scoff at this point with comments such as “be deceiving yourself”). As I was saying...been busy studying so things in general are a bit dull. The end is drawing near and school as I know it would sadly/happily soon be over.

Been thinking, why do people love money so much? Stupid question right? I mean everyone likes money but mehn! Some people love money so much to the point that they are slaves to money. As in, I-would-sell-my-mother-for-money kind of love and this as the wisest book says “is the root of all evil”. No truer words have been said.

Lately, it’s like God has been opening my eyes to the things I usually ignore. I have begun to appreciate even more everything I have in my life. My education, my family, my friends and all the wonderful things God has blessed me with. It’s so easy to focus on all the negatives and forget about all the good things in ones life. So I need to stop complaining cuz I have so much to be thankful for. No how bad it gets I’m still better off than a lot of other people. Also, I realised that we are not just supposed to be better off for our good but for the good of others. You hear all about people suffering in certain parts of the world and we think about it for awhile and move on. We’re unperturbed by these people’s suffering because they seem so distant to us. But seriously we can do so much more, even if just by buying something more expensive than we usually would because it’s ethically produced. It might not seem likely to make a difference but it does. It won’t change the world, but it will help at least one person and that is enough. It’s the small things that count. Even by donating little money to charities such as Christian aid or Oxfam, you don’t have to become a millionaire before you can donate to charity. Or even starting in our own lives by reaching out to people that are suffering on their own, physically, emotionally. I don’t mean to preach but the truth is that you don’t have to be a big bad oil company, raging terrorist or power crazed president to be guilty. We are all guilty of being either ignorant or complacent.

Moving on here’s six unspectacular things about my self (I just nicked this of someone’s blog so feel free to do the same and just so it’s official I’m tagging Ink, Ladi and anonymous girl).

1 Me and my phone (or for all the grammarians) my phone and I are inseparable…we’re like Batman and Robin, Bonnie and Clyde, Jack and Jill…etc etc…you get my drift. Basically I feel like a ship without a sail without my phone…lol

2. I love beans: dodo and beans, baked beans on toast, ewa goyin and agege bread…lol all types of beans. This is weird cuz a lot of people tend to hate beans and plus people will then assume that I fart a lot…which is not true…well…kinda… I will not be discussing this...lol

3. I’ve been writing songs and stuff since I was like 10. Well obviously at ten I was writing crappy songs but I’d like to think I’m much better now. The funny thing is I’ve never told anyone about them, (well, except you guys).Not that I set out to hide it...it just never came up and so I never brought it up. Hmm, weird.

4. I talk to myself a lot in the mirror… Like talking out loud and having imaginary conversations, performing my own music video in front of the mirror, posing for the camera in front of the mirror and weird stuff like that...lol. I always do this without any witnesses so everyone thinks I’m sane but sometimes I really doubt my sanity. I’ve been trying to fight this mirror madness though… so we’ll see how it goes...lol

5. When I was younger I had my whole future planned out. The house, (yes, I drew it, intact with the rooms and stuff), the number of kids, their names, my husbands name...lol...now its all gone to bits and I’m not exactly sure What I really want to do career wise sef talk more of the rest… Hmm why can’t life be as simple as I imagined it to be then…? (Cuz it would suck!)

6. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I look like Kelly Rowland, Brandy, and once, Naomi Campbell…( it was some random guy in Italy who wanted to charm me before asking me for money but heck! his opinion still counts...lol)


Sha, I’m going to continue my serious and productive studying, so all y’all take care and have a blessed weekend!

Fabulous kisses (…Lol, when did kisses become fabulous)
From moi

29/04/08

Hey blogsville! Wasaaaap! Mehn, I’m not even a dedicated blogger at all…dunno it just takes real effort to sit down and write a post when so many other things in my life are waiting for my highly demanded and important attention. I’ve been up and about reading different people’s blogs though. I honestly don’t think I can cope without checking out blogsville once in at least 3 days. Ever since I came across Trae day’s blog, on that fateful day in 2005 when I was bored out of my mind in college, I’ve been hooked. It’s like getting a sneak peek into the lives of all these people that you don’t even know and most likely will never know in person. How people divulge their fears, hopes, joys and sometimes every last minute boring detail of their life on their blogs, something that you would not normally be privy to in real life without at least a few months /years of friendship or acquaintance. You get the real person there on their blogs without all the BS (snobbery, fakeness etc) in real life. On blogsville everyone is just who they are; people living, chasing dreams, living with facing fears. It seems like I actually know these people sometimes. You even get to experience second hand certain things in life that you probably would never go through by reading other peoples blogs and learn from other people’s experiences and mistakes. It’s just very exciting that no matter how bored you are at a particular time you can be transported into the exciting, dramatic, interesting, different lives of other people, who unlike characters in books are real and not fiction. I learn a lot of things from some of the blogs out there, they entertain me, they make me think and reflect and some inspire me. However after a brief stay in blogworld, I often come back crashing down to earth when I log off the computer and realise that “Oh I’m in school a sleepy town and now I have to go and do that English essay for tomorrow” Don’t get me wrong, I love my life but sometimes………

Humph! As much as I would like continue my in-depth reflections of blogsville, I guess I better change the topic if I want anyone reading this post till the end. I was going through my inbox today and looking at mails from as far back as 2003. It was really cute the emails I used to write and all the ones my gellers from back in the day...as per there not being mobiles back then, I had quite a stash of them in my inbox. Unlike now where phones are the main means of communication and the only emails I get are from facebook, forwarded mail and just the occasional messages that someone actually sits down to type. I also came across the bit where I had a cyber boyfriend...lol I am very embarrassed about this now but It was this interactive game thingy where you went on cyber dates with this cyber guy. It was really real as in you had the first “coincidental” meeting and then the guys asks you out and then you got to the cinema or lunch and so on, lol. I actually remember the whole thing I really did it out of boredom and in he end the guy broke up with me cuz I missed a load of our ‘dates’ and I didn’t reply his emails. Chei! Imagine being dumped by a computer! I have suffered…lol.
Moving on, I miss all my old school friends. So many of them that I’ve lost contact with… that’s partly my fault cuz after janding, I jaboed a lot of people (don’t blame me calling cards are expensive). It’s sad though cuz even though we had good friendships then it may not mean anything at all if and when we ever meet again. But as my mum always says “you’ll always make new friends”. And I did make new friends all over again when I started boarding house in England. However very shortly, I’ll be leaving them and having to make new ones all over again. Ah! The cycle of life/friendships continue. Talking about friends; I have this friend of mine who I love to death but the girl has skoin-skoin. I’ve thought about slowly distancing myself from her because really she’s not the best influence. But lai lai! This girl did not gree. In fact, she started saying that I’m her bestest friend all the ish that goes with that..??!! As in I’m so confused, she’s a cool girl who I love to hang out with but as I said, she has skoin-skoin. Sometimes I think I can handle her and so maybe it’ll be alright if I still remained friends with her but the wise side of me is saying “eni to ba baja rin a je gbe” (...or something like that, my memory of Yoruba class isn’t that great) Basically, “the person that walks around with a dog will eat shite”). Hmmmmm

Anyways I’ll leave you guys with this: a smile goes a mile to wow somebody, so keep smiling always!!

Have a fab week!!

Better to have loved and lost

Guys thanks for your comments on my last post…really encouraging. It’s funny that I get that kind of support/encouragement, no matter how little it seems, from people I’ve never met before, when the people I see all the time fail to provide it. It’s not really their fault though as I have not really given them the opportunity to do so.
Nyways, I’m feeling a little bit more together now. I had this moment where I realised…actually where it hit me that I only have one life and one “now”. Every moment is precious and is gone in a second…gone as in dead gone.

Even though I don’t even know where to start from, I’m going to try. I really wish I could go on gap year but I already had a kinda gap year before I started my A levels. I practically just did nothing apart from doing this useless course which I did not even finish. Now I just look back and think “What a waste!” If only I knew how useful that free time could have been. Nyways no more shouldawouldacouldas, I’m looking to the future and how I can make the best use of now.

I also realised that I am completely guy free at the moment. I still have my guy friends but I’m not harbouring any painful secret crushes neither are any guys annoyingly chasing after me ( You know I’m hot stuff! lol)… Well, there is a guy that has expressed his like for me but he’s not acting up on it which is totally cool with me. Anyways, I actually like it this way…for now at least. Even though sometimes I catch myself craving for a cuddle mate, I really and truly cannot just be bothered. I have so much school work as it is, so there’s no time but I’m looking forward till after school as in Summer hols and beyond to go on the prowl…lol. You’d think I was the kind of babe that can actually go out, find a guy and pull him in! Not even close. See, my problem is that I front a lot! Seriously, I’m a professional fronter and this easily puts off guys cuz they’ll think I’m not interested when I really am. The thing is though, the fronting doesn’t last if you’re a cool chap and not put off by my initial front. The trick is to try and make me laugh. It doesn’t even have to be really funny as I’m known to laugh at even the driest jokes and I really just break the first layer if you can make me laugh. I think the reason for the fronting is trying to protect myself from being hurt and all. I’ve wrapped my self in so many layers and the fronting is just the first layer. The second is showing like but reserved like. The next is me seeming totally free and comfortable with you but then never going deep. The final one and the strongest is around my heart. It’s hard for me to open up and totally trust the other person. I’m scared of being close to people and letting them in properly and sharing my fears, joys, hopes and dreams. It’s complicated but ultimately it’s the fear of being rejected for what I really and all I have to give and thus being irreparably hurt. However, I’m trying to learn from the famous words of Alfred, Lord Tennyson “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”


On a different note, I saw Asa’s cd in HMV. You should have seen the smile on my face. Even though I’m not related to her in any way and have never seen her in my life I felt very proud just seeing that cd lying there with all other big names. Not many truly Nigerian, Yoruba speaking, dreadlock wearing artists make it across the big ocean. Apparently she’s signed to the same label as Kate Nash in the UK. Apart from that, I really love her music. Normally thats not my kind of music but I dunno there’s something so calming and beautiful about it. Her lyrics are poignant and potent and just simply irresistible. My favourite tracks on the Album are Bibanke, Fire on the mountain and So beautiful. On some, the Yoruba gets too much for me to understand but mostly I get it and I love it. Hope it does well!

Also BET is now in England! How exciting is that! Yesterday night I watched the BET awards and all I can say is that Monique girl is CRAZY but funny. In btw watching TV and blogging, I have also been bombarded with school work. I have two course-works to submit in two weeks and I have to start revising for my exams in June while still carrying on with normal school work and assignments. Hmm, God is my strength.

BTW, my panic about getting offers from my Uni’s was so totally unnecessary as I got offers from four of the Uni’s I applied to. Stupid Warwick rejected me, but its aight. I’m going to check out Manchester this week. Hopefully, I fall in love with it and I can put it as my first choice cuz I would really love to live in Manchester.


Nyways, my fabulous people, Stay fabulous, love your selves, love life and take the risk on loving others!

God’s love
Tiwa

What..What..Whatever!

I've been meaning to blog for a while but whenever I sat down to it, my mind went blank. My minds been doing that alot lately before I used to think too much now I almost don't think at all until the 30 mins before i doze off. I think it's cuz I'm really busy with school and with other inconsequential things. Yet my unconscious mind is brimming with issues. Whenever i do try to think they all come rushing in struggling for my attention that it all becomes a blur, nothings clear and it just gets more frustrating so i just close up my mind and sleep.

I can't keep doing this. I have to deal with stuffffff. but it's not easy. Sometimes I can't even see things as they are and I am begginning to doubt my own judgement. I sound like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown but I know I'm not. I just wish I had someone I can offload to. Not everything ( I know how stifling that can be) just some. However the lack of someone to offload to I fear is my own fault. Put the walls up in all my relationships. I always just used to be a listenr and I was good at it. But now I can't bear to listen when I have all my own wahala to deal with already.
School's stressin but I'm not letting it get to me. I'm starting to feel an urgency..like I need to start doing the things I've always wanted to do. Singing, modeling. I'm trying to get even the smallest oppotunity/contact but it's not forth coming. Not because they don't exist but because I haven't pushed hard enough. I feel the urgency but I just sit back and chill. I read this book about if God wants a certain something to happen/ If it's meant to happen ..God will provide the opportunity everything without me looking. I guess that's what i'm waiting for some opportunity tro just drop in my lap. I know.....so not happening.

Whatever!

Little's there to do
Not much... just a thing or two.
You don't have to worry
Someone else is coming
they'll do it for you.
I hear the clock ticking
I hear the car drive in
Keys turn in the door
Bag drops on the floor
There's all the time in the world.
There's nothing in the fridge
whats baby gonna eat?
I haven't paid the bill
shit! that's why there's no heat.
I was gonna get some treats
Do them up with all the frills
Oh well! Another time
Righ t now, it's bed time.
Maybe tommorow I'll be free
but no! I have to meet Steve
Oh Whatever...I think I need to sleep


Just wrote this to sum up my situation. I didn't do justice but...whatever! LOL!


On to a much happier note...I'm looking for the perfect dress to wear to my leavers ball. I can see it in my mind's eye already. Grecian like, jersey fabric. Colour' s either peach, pale lilac or any pastel colour sha. It's short an obviously fabulous. Now it only remains for me to find it! I will surely having fun trying to find it. But really I can see my hair , make up, jewllery, shoes errything is set in my mind. lol..Good luck to finding it Tiwa! That's all I can say. It really would be great if I can come very close to it! I'm off to search. Abeg if y'all know any good online sites for fab clothes...help a sista out in fufilling her dream. Lol


PS: I heard about the crazy indecent dressing bill they want to pass in Naija. Complete and Utter madness! God help Nigeria. (God help me too)

Stay fab everyone and don't be complicated, unambitious, lazy and procastinate like me.
( I really do need help)! lol

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Every body!! I’ve been on a long hiatus cuz of exams and stuff but now I’m back. Even though it’s been a month since I got back from Lagos, I’m still feeling revived and refreshed from my holiday. From what I see a lot of bloggers went to the motherland as well for Christmas/new year. Sha, now everyone is back to their respectful and rightful places. School is such a drag! Like seriously, exams started two days after my holiday. Who came up with the stupid idea of having exams straight after Christmas hols….where are you supposed to fit in study among all the celebration! Anyways, at least I’m done now. I’ve started counting down till the end of school… 19 weeks to go till the end of exams and the end of school. Ahh! I can then begin looking forward to wild nights in Uni. Wild nights of play and wild nights of study (I’m trying hard at the moment not to think of the latter part). I really can’t wait. I’ve been waiting to go to Uni since grad in Naija. But I got stalled by doing A levels and taking a gap year prior to that. Nyways, now the wait is soon to be over!

Anyways, just wanted to drop a little poem I wrote the other day.

Slowly and quietly at first.
Like little drops of rain,
That cures the dry land’s thirst.
Suddenly it becomes
a burst of staccato drums.
Angry drums of a war song
Waiting for peace to bring it to rest.
Like a child awaits soothing at birth.

Listen to me.
Yes, I yearn to be heard
From a high up stage.
Oh that I can be seen and read
On a glittering page.
Till then, I will roar
At the injustice of being locked away.
Still, I will endure

Release me.
From within your soul, I will grow.
From inside your dreams, I will show.
You and I shall never be at peace
Until I am free.

It still needs a bit more polish but it still one of the only one of mine worthy to be displayed.

I’m liking daddy’s girl’s carnival series…encouraging the true spirit of loving yourself.
Naija fine boy is back! Let’s hope he doesn’t pull a ten month hiatus before returning again.
Naija vixen: Hey what’s up with your blog? Hope you’re good though?

I sent a stalker-ish email to Snazzy. Lol! Err… I really don’t have a reasonable explanation for that.. I guess I was bored. Nyways, sorry if I freaked you out.

(Found out my cousin is a blogger. I’m supposed to be anonymous so can’t really open up. But it’s quite funny cuz they’re always talking about their blog and other blogs and there I am acting all clueless about blog world.)

To all my peeps: God’s love and stay fabulous!