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Thursday, April 23, 2009

If not loving you with all my heart's a crime..then i'm guilty

Gosh! this is very bad! Ok...rewind back to like to weeks ago. I was all happy in like and happy that me and bf finally got together and ready to brave any problems that come with long distance. Err..right now I'm thinking "What the hell was I thinking?!" *sob* this is exactly the situation predicted by my personality test i took a few months back

It is also true that you rarely fall in love because your expectations of your partner are very high and only very few will meet them.However, when it happens to you, things can get pretty intense. Then you even throw your previous taciturnity overboard, and compared to your normal behavior, you get loquacious and drippy. But that usually doesn’t last long, as soon your analytical and rational part returns from its vacation, puts the entire matter under a microscope without mercy, and woe to your partner if he/she did not reach the required standards in some respect!

I can't believe how true that ish is! darn it. I was talking to a friend about it and she was like "sha don't make any rash decisions" Er I already did by jumping stupidly into this thing in the first place. I mean, he's OK but is he really the kind of guy I see myself being in a relationship with? no. I don't want to totally destroy his character on here cuz , really he's not that bad and I did like him. But as the "profound" quote from a movie I watched recently says " There's what you like and there is" . He is just not it. And now I feel very guilty cuz for like the past two days he didnt call and I was really thinking Stupid boy he didn't even call, its even better and all that so I did'nt bother to call/text him. Only for him to call and say that he's been ill for the past two days and ladida. Then he told me he loved me (which I don't believe anyway and is a whole different issue for another day) but then I had to say it back( Well, I didnt HAVE to cuz he didnt force my mouth open) cuz theres was like an akward pause. I feel so phony/fake?/feel free to insert any other word. I really have to tell him how I really feel but I really don't want to hurt him as well. And, maybe it's just a phase but I don't think so. I just don't understand how I can fall so easily out of like? Geez!

Anyhoos I just had to let that out. and btw I'm considering goin private..much safer.

8 comments:

Nice Anon said...

Well, i would say give a real good thought before finally letting go so you don't regret it in the future.

As for going private, one thing about blogsville is that someone you know will always find your blog. Sooner or later. It will happen.

BSNC said...

just take your time and really think things through. Maybe you were just infatuated with him..

take your time. you will be okay...

CultureCynic said...

the way i see it...u need to figure out what's best for u and do it. u know that thing about "gut feeling"??? but the heart has a way of bypassing this sheepsheeshly and write a check it may not be able to cash. there is abolutly nothing wrong wit falling. but it depends on what u r falling. u may have fell for something u liked, but that isn't love and don't mean u have to stay. it really seems like u kno this guy "ain't it" but yet he keep on "taggin along" i say taggin along becuz u r saying things to him u kno within u ain't true. u don't love him, and am sure u said it to be nice, u seem like such a sweet sweet girl but u have got to do what is BEST for you.

moreover the long distance thing makes it even an easier duck. so duck sweetie, run walk, strole, but u have gottta DO SOMETHING about this. there is still time u kno, esp since u know deep down that this ain't it. it wwould be one thing if that wasnt the case. if the distance thing was the only problem, then at least, it can be u kno...doable.

DO WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY or at least satisfied. Life is short to live it under false pretences. and dont let him suck u in with the "i love you"'s esp when u just said that u dont think is true..


ok here i go again spazzin out YET again...shorry dear. but i wish u insight so u can see for yourself and clarity to make the right decision. I hope u get this sorted,u will figure it out dont worry ok. kisses.

'sola said...

If i'd taken that personality test,i'd probably have had a similar test result.sounds eerily familiar! And the 'I love u' Please do not get hooked by that line especially when you don't feel the same.You need to be honest with this person as a favor to both of u. Believe me, a time will come when those words would come of ur mouth and u'd actually mean it. Thanks for stopping by my blog.Good luck!

Buttercup said...

*sighs* this relationship thing shaaaaa..

all the best..whatever u decide!

Tairebabs said...

I see this is the post before the breakup. Well I still think honesty removes any form of guilt. Plus long distance thing is stress. I did this that for awhile and its not worth the wahala and skype time.

rethots said...

...at some point we have to face it and not say 'yes' when we mean to say 'no'.

Hmmm, going private, means won't have the luxury of reading.

Mz. Eniola said...

sniffs..long distance...*really complicated...DONt go private nw :(