Hi everyone! the thought of coming back home for half-term was all that was on my mind about a week ago, right now I'm thinking " I'm so freakin tired of this house I wanna go back to school!" Yesterday, I was looking forward to meeting my friends in church and getting into some holy spirit groove. Needless to say, I was quite dissapointed, I just didn't get the same high I normally get from going to church. I guess it's more to do with me than with the church.
Right now, I'm trying to get(my mum's trying to get) a ticket to lagos for this christmas and its so freakin expensive!I hope I still get to go.
On to someting entirely different, I am a very complicated person. Oh so complicated, sometimes I myself don't believe the stuff that goes on in my head but the thing is this complication does not go outside my mind it just stays in there. I have built this wall around myself, no one can get into my mind because if you know what I know, if you know all what I've been through, if you know what I think , you might think I'm wierd or you might pity me or you might just never talk to me. I'm just so scared to let anyone in and I've done this for so long that now I fear that no one knows me at all. When I come to think of it no one really knows me at all even the close friends that I have, most of the time I'm quiet. So everyone thinks I'm just quiet but they don't know that I have so many words I wanna say but they just won't come out and I just end up just doing surface talking about things that don't really matter or concentrating on every other person. I'm just living, breathing, walking, talking because i have to. All my passions, wants, fears are hidden so deep inside me that most of the time they don't exist. And now, I'm tired of being this person that I'm not or rather of not being the person that I really am. Everything I have stored is now eating me up inside. I want to let go of all the inhibitions I've placed on myself. I have enough things to blame for my closing up but what's the point, I'll just be a victim of life and that's what I don't want to be, a victim. I will not be pitied. I, am responsible for whatever I become, not my circumstances, I am responsible for my life not the people around me. It might be hard but I'll take it step by step, not being afraid to be me.
Okay, before your mind starts doing 360, I am not a lesbo ok?!Its just other stuff bout me that peeps don't know. I hate acknowledging the bitter parts of my life, it's just that sometimes they come up and it's stuff that nobody knows I've been through or I still go through so there's no one to talk to it about and I just have to let it out somewhere. Thank God for anonymity in the blog world.
Y'all have a safe week. Bless!
2 comments:
Thank God for anonymity in the blog world... yes ma'am.. i totally agree.. if this blog wasnt' anonymous.. i wouldn't post up half the shit i do!... sad thin is i think sumbody sussed me out.. but i'll find out in a few days... if they did.. might have 2 close shop.. i really hope they didnt!!
neways.. 2 ur post... its good that ur acknowledgin the problem..dats the first step... maybe trusting ppl is the issue.. cos trust me i used 2 live in my little world in my head.. i never let anybody in.. i was always outside lookin in.. but then i decided that i didnt wanna b that person.. there were so many great ppl around me.. i let them in and they were fine wit the person that i was... thought i was great actually.. i started openin up more.. and i've def come a long way 4rom the person i've bcom.. i understand that its things you've been through that make you the way u r.. so maybe if you make peace with those things.. u'll be fine babe...
lol.. i've written a comment almost longer than ur blog.. but i can totally relate 2 this is y plus i luv ur style of writing.. first time here but definitely not the last.. blog on babe.. i'm off 2 read ur older stuff!!!.. lol
thanx babe really needed d encouragement.hope u don't av 2 "close shop" lol..cuz i'm lovin ur blog
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