Shivers down my spine

SO..I decided to come and have a peek at my blog today and I just got the feeling that I might be ready to blog again. I'm still figuring it out but in the mean time I decided to write a little summin. Just as I was about to sign in, I tell u I got shivers of excitement down my spine!Literally. I mean its been so long and I thought I'd lost the passion for blogging but I guess not. Anyhoos, I excitedly typed in my email address, password and clicked the sign in button..."your password is incorrect". Huh?..another possible password..same message. Utter disbelief! I forgot my blogger password..lol.

So, basically i had to set up a new one..I guess its all linked to new beginnings. Somehow, I don't feel like I can continue on this blog even though I am definitely attached to it. If I do, start a new blog, I'ld love for interested readers to come along. So please drop your emails n I'll be sure to drop you the new link.

Life in the interim has been good though, lots of different stuff happening and I shall be glad to share them all with you soon ;-)

Adios Amigos!
X

Break in transmission

SOOO... I've been AWOL for a long time. It's been due to restricted internet acess and lack of inspiration. In that time I've thought about shutting down this blog a couple of times..I feel like i've lost the zest for blogging. When I stumbled across blogville 3 yrs ago, it was what I needed, it was this new, exciting, unfound place. A place where you could be what you really wanted to be and it gave you acess to other peoples genuine selves as well.

Now, I feel like blogville has evolved and maybe I have too. I do love this blog, cuz its like an extension of me and so Its hard for me to shut down. I might just leave it floating along in cyberspace and I might pop up in some other form on blogville. But for now nothing's certain except that there's a break in transmission.

I Will try to keep my footprints around on your blogs tho.

yours truly,
Me

I see nothing from afar but I'm far from nothing

I missed my bloggyboo! lol. It's exams oh..I've been living in the library for the past week! Wishing all the people that are gonna be writting exams soon goodluck!Sorry for the random title.. just a catchy lyric from a cool song :-)..just felt the need to clarify

So, there was this heated debate on one of the comment sections on Bella naija about foreigners and "half-castes" in Nigeria. I really wanted to write a post about some of the issues raised there and just basically stereotypes in Nig but that requires too much thought and effort at this point so I'll have to postpone it to after exams. I really wish I had something more constructive to say but alas i don't so I'll do a quick 8 things thingie

8 random things on my mind...if you care to know
-I must pass my exams like !!! just cuz I know I can :-)
-All my life I've said I love jesus but I never really meant it till now..not that I hated him..but i didn't feel it or more like I couldn't feel his love..i knew that he loved me but I just didnt feel it. Now I feel like my hearts gonna explode from all the love <3 <3 <3
- I am so Full..lol..n the apple crumble was yum!
-I can safely say that I've flushed the Ex outta my mind! Thank God!
- Jus saw a pic of Rihanna n *sigh* the girls lost it..The picture I am talking about is clean oh! before you go n start assuming..lol
-I need to do my laundry!
-"Kara kata lo mata"..lol random lyric from a song I'm presently listening to on Gidilounge.
- And ooh talkin bout Gidilounge..jus heard my Ex by this dude called L...nice tune...I like the guy already although I do not share the same feelings he has for his ex

And I'm out!
xxx

The place I'ld most like to be right now is in your arms...but they're closed and I shut them myself

Relationships are just....drama, stress etc. jeez so ended it with the bf and whoever said honesty was the best policy??Can I have a loaded ak47 so i can shoot that toot! I just had to go n be honest..and say all the things I felt and why? turns out I'm a cold bitch..who knew



I'm glad it's over with sha, I can go n focus on my life properly now.

Yesterday, I didnt sleep till 5 am because I was watching Madea's family reunion and the thing was taking forever to stream. But I was so determined to watch it that I stayed up all night for it. I have never done a studying all nighter before oh? Its now for film. Lol. I just really wanted to watch it and couldn't wait till morning cuz I knew that by then I would have lost interest. It was worth it though...very good movie...so many deep truths were preached and it was funny as heck.

Saw this video on soulproxies blog and I thought I'ld share it with you. Enjoy

If not loving you with all my heart's a crime..then i'm guilty

Gosh! this is very bad! Ok...rewind back to like to weeks ago. I was all happy in like and happy that me and bf finally got together and ready to brave any problems that come with long distance. Err..right now I'm thinking "What the hell was I thinking?!" *sob* this is exactly the situation predicted by my personality test i took a few months back

It is also true that you rarely fall in love because your expectations of your partner are very high and only very few will meet them.However, when it happens to you, things can get pretty intense. Then you even throw your previous taciturnity overboard, and compared to your normal behavior, you get loquacious and drippy. But that usually doesn’t last long, as soon your analytical and rational part returns from its vacation, puts the entire matter under a microscope without mercy, and woe to your partner if he/she did not reach the required standards in some respect!

I can't believe how true that ish is! darn it. I was talking to a friend about it and she was like "sha don't make any rash decisions" Er I already did by jumping stupidly into this thing in the first place. I mean, he's OK but is he really the kind of guy I see myself being in a relationship with? no. I don't want to totally destroy his character on here cuz , really he's not that bad and I did like him. But as the "profound" quote from a movie I watched recently says " There's what you like and there is" . He is just not it. And now I feel very guilty cuz for like the past two days he didnt call and I was really thinking Stupid boy he didn't even call, its even better and all that so I did'nt bother to call/text him. Only for him to call and say that he's been ill for the past two days and ladida. Then he told me he loved me (which I don't believe anyway and is a whole different issue for another day) but then I had to say it back( Well, I didnt HAVE to cuz he didnt force my mouth open) cuz theres was like an akward pause. I feel so phony/fake?/feel free to insert any other word. I really have to tell him how I really feel but I really don't want to hurt him as well. And, maybe it's just a phase but I don't think so. I just don't understand how I can fall so easily out of like? Geez!

Anyhoos I just had to let that out. and btw I'm considering goin private..much safer.

Lets get personal

Right now I have lots of things on my mind. First off, remember the person I was missing in my last post? Well... after a few texts and phonecalls, we found out that we stll liked eachother and decided to give it go. I'm very happy about this but all of a sudden unsure as well. Like is this what I really want? Can I handle being in a long-distance relationship..something I told myself I'll never do. And to be honest I'm totally clueless about this relationship thing.. cuz this is my first proper relationship with someone I actually really like. And I still don't think I can totally commit to one guy...I'm to used to being free to mingle and all that....*sigh* thats a whole load of questions but I'll just see how it goes and not take this too seriously.

Other things in my head. I miss my best friend. She was my best friend when I was younger..we drifted apart due to distaance and just basically growing up but then we kinda became friends again although this renewed frindship was short lived. The thing is I felt like I was the one who did everything, I visited her, I was the one always calling etc and I always felt like she was in control of our friendship. I am a very independent person and so I hated feeling like I was being controlled or whatever and so I decided I'ld just let go and leave her alone. If she didnt call me I wouldn't call her and basically our friendship fizzled out. It's sad cuz she was someone I always felt I could confide in and I miss that cuz there's not many people I feel that way about and I think I want to reach out again. Don't know if its a wise move...cuz she might end up taking me for granted again..or maybe I was just being paranoid bout everything and the real issue is me?

Even if it isnt a wise choice, this is not the first time I'ld do something stupid. I always see to be making the wrong choices. Lord I need WISDOM!

I have quite a few stuff lined up for easter so I'm tres excited! Hope you guys are looking forward to the easter break as well..

lots of love Mon cherie(s)

Mii 2

Been thinking about a certain someone all day and I miss him. :-( I wish I had been less afraid/hesistant and made the most of our past time together...but then i didn't think I'ld end up liking him this much.. Oh well!

On to other things, babes have been on a very relaxed P mehn. Just sleeping, eating, watchin tv, facebooking and checking out blogs... don't you just hate it when certain words/trends just come n hijack your vocabulary/wadrobe and you wonder how you were ever able to succintly express/attire yourself when said word/wear was not invented. And don't you hate it even more when the same thing seems to be happening to everyone, and you are all carried away with the euphoria of the new found word/trend till it begins to suffer from overuse and misuse. Then the word/trend is punished by being banished into the pit of common-ness, razz-ness and so-last-year-ness. Leaving you to mourn the loss of your love.

I have a love/hate relationship with "in"-things..specifically reffering to fashion. While I want to be trendy, I hate doing/wearing what everyone one is wearing. Urgh! I just hate the whole me-too syndromne, If I'm not one of the early rockers of such things it hurts my pride to join in later and I am not an (obvious)swagger jacker..if you start something I'll leave you to finish it. But I am a freaking hypocrite! Cuz in more ways than one I am a big "mii 2-er" *Sigh*

.....................I know

lots of sweet hearts
xo

:::......[[ooo]].......::::

The days are getting longer and the sun is shinning brighter. Summer's round the corner and my hearts getting lighter. "I rhyme am well" just like M.I. Lol. If you don't understand you need to elevate your P and educate yourself bout M.I., kay? He's actually performing today in London...and I'm just confirming that I'm there in the spirit. lol

Thank you for the comments on my last post. Really thank you so much made me smile and made my heart all warm n fuzzy. :-)

So, I'm sure you guys are all aware of the recent changes to facebook...I absolutely hate it! Like evrybody's business is own your home page, every single wall message and what not. Apparently they're trying to copy Twitter with the whole "whats on your mind" thing mschew! Can they not just stay true to the tried and tested one we all loved? Have they never heard of if it's not broke, don't fix it??!

Ok, now my rant is over :-) Very similar to the statuses that kept cropping up on my home page after they made the changes yesterday. You can see how passionate peole are about their precious facebook. I know i am one of them as well. I've been trying to fight facebook though, and blogs as well. The amount of time I spend reading people's blogs and being on facebook is just ridiculous. So i gave them both up for lent for a day... that counts right? lol. i know just one day, 24 hrs but boy it was tough!

I found this article on yahoo: Get off facebook and get a life! very apt title. Basically it says that too much time being sent on social networking sites can lead to alterations in our genes which may have health risks and also affect our ability to communicate effectively with each other. Hmm

I know people who have deactivated their facebook accounts or who never had it and I think "Wow! How can you exist without facebook?" (Ok thats a bit extreme) But basically the whole facebook phenomena has changed a lot of things about our world. Talk about never getting out of touch with people. Old school peeps that you thought you would never see again suddenly pop up with friend requests. Some times, I think its a bit too much cuz you cannot keep carrying everyone you've known all your life along with you. So selective friend approval is key espeacially now with this new format that everyone can see what you're doing. Less dramatically you can just limit your profile etc.

Nyways, what are your thoughts peeps. To facebook or not to facebook? Are you a facebook addict, or used to be and conquered it?

Better now

I feel so much better now and I'm so full of thanks to God cuz he's amazing. Thanks Buttercup for the hugs. Sending lots of luv and hugs right back at ya

:-(

I am really sad and frustrated at the moment and needed somewhere to vent. Can't call anyone to moan cuz I just don't know how to call people to talk about my problems plus i don't even have any freaking credit on my phone. Facebook status was an option...but too crying out for help/attention- ish. And then I remembered my dear blog. My only space to moan and vent and say what I like.

I'm frustrated because I am broke. Like finished my overdraft broke and I have so many things I need and want to do. It's such a sad situation. And I'm just sad because i can only see the negative side of everything right now. I have been so up and down this week. Started really down and then I got better and thought "Phew thank God that's over" Only for me to come crashing down again. I've been crying out for God cuz he's the ONLY person I can call on but I can't seem to reach him or maybe he's the one who can't reach me cuz I've put myself in this thick cloud of negative thinking/ungratefulness. Hmph! I just need a really big hug right now to hold me till I'm done crying and I'll be okay after that.

update

I hate how I always have to start a post with an apology about my absence from my blog but I can't help it because I feel like a bad little mommy who abandoned her child. I'm always here though checking out the latest updates on my blogroll and all but the inspiration to blog has just been nil. But I had to snap out of it cuz I was missing my blog too much.

Nyhoos, Naija bloggers awards is the latest development in blogsville. I hope you have all nominated someone for a category if not get to nominating...if the deadline is not past.

I have been keeping an eye on Kanye and his new arm candy lately and can I saw them two make an interesting pair. I dunno anything bout the details of their relationship but they've been seen at a couple of fashion shows together.

Chick has an interesting/edgy/kinda cool look and I can see that her style has been rubbing off on certain people. Hmm

YO!

Yo people! So whats new in the life of moi? nothin much just the usual repetitive cycle of life and the chaos in mind. Nyhoos, I've been thinking, really thinking about how I want to start doing something USEFUL. Not useful for me but for other people around me. I figured it'ld be something to do with my three loves; God, Music and fashion. Hmm ..tough cookie. The God part has to do with the purpose of the project. So basically maybe like a charity thing or maybe a way of expressing God's love through music/fashion. Tricky I know. And the fashion/music bit will obviously be the content. If anyone has any bright ideas, or if you just think you'll be interested email me. U never know. Till then I'll keep working on it.

By the way, I watched Breakfast at tiffany's the other day and its such a gem of a movie! Loved it. Plus just look how fabulous Holly looks in that pic. I know you've all seen the picture before but really have you seen the fabulousity of it, the perfectly coifed hair with the tiara like hair thingy, the classic wayfarers, the exquisitely gorgeous in your face necklace, the long gloves, and the fact that shes holding a cup of coffee and a croissant(at least I think it is). Have you ever had you breakfast looking that fabulous? Over the top to say the least but undeniably fabulous. (Okay, if, i had a pound for every time I've said the word "fabulous" in this post I could slowly begin making my way out of this economic gloom..lol. sorry for the overdose but i couldnt think of another suitably appropriate word :-))

Vals day is round the corner...hmm.. interesting...wot u got planned? anything exciting? I'll find something to do but I have to make a mental note: next time you want to end a thing with someone do it after vals day, its more fun :-)

Did you hear that Chris Brown beat up Riri?? Wonders shall never end, I'll be looking out for the official true story cuz I refuse to believe everything I hear.

Alas, we've come to the end of another random post. Have a lovely week and its goodbye from me! (I should so be a tv host...not. lol)

Chocolate hearts!

The picture on my wall

I feel a bit guilty that I'm leading a certain someone on...its not my fault really, he's quite pushy and I just go along cuz at the time I'm just thinking "What the heck! Just go along" But I quite regret that sort of thought now, because he's geting even more confident and I don't even really like him...hmm

One of the other thoughts that have been going on in my head include how I keep failing to reach the epitomy of being a true christain. I see all these folks in my church who seem to be so on fire and devoted to God and I think "why can't I be like that?" Truth is I don't really know the inside of anyone so I shouldn't even be measuring up my christianity against theirs. But even at times, I don't want to read my bible because I know that in there would be a call to perfection, to being and doing more than I think I can in my own strength do. Then , I found this comforting and encouraging exract from The diary of an old soul by George MacDonald while reading a book

"'Tis but a picture hung upon my wall

To measure dull contentment therewithal,


And know behind the human how I fall;


A vision true, of what one day shall be


When thou hast had thy very will with me"

I can only smile after reading that and I hope this would make someone smile too :-)

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama looks absolutely stunning in that dress! Just look at her coming down those stairs like a beacon of light...very refreshing. She is officially my new inspiration...i absolutely love her for her style, decorum, elegance, her eloquence, toughness, go-getter attitude.....etc...Watch out world, for the reign of a very prominent first lady!

My God given self

I wrote a rather mean and somewhat true post bout myself earlier...but didn't post it but now that I got over my mood, I decided to post it anyway.

I am a confused child. Nothing is ever black and white, there's always off-white,cream and then grey. I don't even know what I want. I say one thing and do the opposite. All as a result of trying to satisfy every wish/urge/person..Even though thats not possible. I'm appalled by my weakness to stand firmly for one thing no matter what.

I need clarity in my head. Nothing s ever clear....there's always the unknown haunting me and taunting me stopping me from taking the next step.

I'm scared of everything. Scared of the past, the future and today. Scared to love and too scared to allow myself to be loved truly and completely. Scared of hurting myself and others and scared of others hurting me. I'm too scared to be me and too scared to be anything else. ..Wimp!

I've caged myself in a see-thru plastic covering. You can see me, I can see you, you can even poke me and try to touch me but you can never feel me. I'm a result of never being really decided/involved/dedicated to anything...just been going wherever the wind blows me.

I need something to help me don't know what. I probably shouldnt post this on my blog..I sound like the miserable nut case that I am.


Did a personality test on http://www.ipersonic.com/ . According to them, I'm an Analytical thinker...Here's a snippet of the description..if you can be bothered to read...I've edited to include only the bits i agree most with

Analytical Thinkers are reserved, quiet persons. They like to get to the bottom of things - curiosity is one of their strongest motives. They want to know what holds the world together deep down inside. Analytical Thinkers like to work alone. .They are always a little like an “absent-minded professor” whose home and workplace are chaotic. in general,they are quite independent of social relationships and very self-reliant. ..(True but I'm tired of this freaking self reliance...darn it...a little help is always good even though it would kill me to ask for it)

...It takes some time before Analytical Thinkers make friends, but then they are mostly friends for life. ; they need a lot of time alone and often withdraw from others. Their partner must respect this and understand that this is not due to the lack of affection. Once they have decided in favour of a person, Analytical Thinkers are loyal and reliable partners. However, one cannot expect romance and effusive expressions of feelings from them and they will definitely forget their wedding anniversary. (OMG...lol) You also give the impression of being quiet, cool, distanced and deliberate - everything is true. It is also true that you rarely fall in love because your expectations of your partner are very high and only very few will meet them.

However, when it happens to you, things - especially for an introverted Thinker - can get pretty intense. Then you even throw your previous taciturnity overboard, and compared to your normal behavior, you get loquacious and drippy. But that usually doesn’t last long, as soon your analytical and rational part returns from its vacation, puts the entire matter under a microscope without mercy, and woe to your partner if he/she did not reach the required standards in some respect! You have a very clear mental picture of your expectations and in this respect you are much too hardheaded and stubborn to be ready for any compromises. You would rather be alone than to put up with the second best, thank you very much.

So freaking true! Especially all the love related ones..lol.. God help me..I am going to defy this darn personality and evolve into a warm, open and loving girl...lol

Really and truly though, despite all my issues, I LOVE ME! Really I do, I'm so intricate and amusing in that unique way that alot of people do not understand...I think I'm really smart and strong, lovable etcetera etcetra

As you can see I'm my own biggest critique and admirer...such is life

Here's to my God given self and to yours!!!
xxx

The chronicles of Nigeria: The prince, the witch and the bad name

First of all excuse the tackiness of my title..i jus couldn't resist..lol

Ok, is it just me that is frustrated with all the bad press Nigeria has been getting this past month?
First of all every Tom, dick and Harry is claiming to be receiving emails form Nigerian Princes and other guises that Nigerian scammers use. Supposedly, they have now even stepped up from emails to facebook. As in what the freak! I read three different articles about this in the past month alone. Those that are not even scammable plus the gullible ones that have actually been victims. Nigerians need to please stop disgracing our country and bringing all these stupid insults on our name. Abeg!

Next, it was the documentary that aired on channel 4 about witch children. Talk about bringing out all the skeletons in our closet! Ok, y’all know this phenomenon of children being branded witches and wizards has been going on in Nigeria 4rm time. But its one of those things you only hear stories about and the stories are always told from the perspective of the victimised family/bosses etc. Also all those dodgy Nollywood movies helped perpetuate the idea of these evil witch children. So, granted, we were ignorantly living with this phenomena without anyone recognising the plight of these stigmatised damned children. I think that’s why its good to get out of Nigeria to escape the suffocating mentality that you don’t actually notice until you’re out of it. You know like when you’re in a smelly room you become so used to the smell that it doesn’t bother you anymore or you don’t notice it until someone from outside comes in and makes you uncomfortably aware that you are sat in a smelly room. That is exactly the case with this documentary. It shamefully opened up our eyes to what we have been allowing in our country. To make it even worse it was now aired on Channel 4! Do you know how many people watch that channel? They were now doing reruns again?! Now almost every person in England will associate Nigeria with Ignorant, religous crazed people. Not minding that this documentary featured just one part of Nigeria but we will not go into that right now. Cuz really and truly the whole of Nigeria is afflicted with Religous crazed ignorant people..be it the extremism of sharia law in the north, the overzealous witch branding people of the south and just the ever readiness to blame any unfortunate incident on supernatural causes.

It did not end there oh! Some journalist went on to write a story about how day old babies were being sold over the counter in Lagos/ Enugu (the writer was confused about the location). That one got on the yahoo news headlines. That one caused another uproar about gross human rights abuse and yadayada. Excuse my language/tone. I’m not in anyway justifying or condoning all the stupid shameful acts that have been carried out by Nigerians but there is only so much damage that the Nigerian label can take! I mean I have to tell people I am from this goddamned country (We’re not goddamned in Jesus name…lol) and then I have to now be associated with all this bullshit.

Please this our generation better be more sensible. I can only hold a little hope that we would try to change our dirtied image in time. People in general just like to dirty our name whatever chance they get and we give them too many opportunities to do this! So people, pls try to be the best Nigerian you can be! American & British People love being branded by their nationality because they are proud of it. Whatever you do you cannot deny your nationality, so make it something you can be proud of.

I LOVE KANYE WEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just had to say this. No, I have not just seen him in concert. I wish I had. And no, I have not listened to his new album. I can't wait for it to come out!

But I just read an article bout him and he's lonely apparently and he needs love, so if you see this Ye, I LOVE YOU!!!!

Dudes and Dudettes

Ok, so theres this dude I've been chatting to on the phone. I've never seen him before but he saw me at a party n got my number from a friend. From all the info I've gotten, dude is not that good looking but he has dough to make up for it. Not that it matters cuz I'm not THAT interested in faces or his money. At first I was not interested at ALL. As in I jus saw him as nuiscance. But a few phonecalls later, dudes not SO bad. At least he'll do to keep my phone busy right? Ok, so, now dude wants to meet up. Wants me to come down, and as much as I would love a free ticket to london I have made other commitments with my girlfriends at the only time it will be possible for both of us to meet. N after initially saying I would come, I changed my mind, cuz really, its bros (girls) before (male) hoes. So why am I feeling a tad bit guilty???? BS!

Onto a sweeter dudette, My handsome train lover! lol. I swear I'm in love with the guy. We had one long 2hr interesting convo on the train. Almost missed my stop cuz I was so into the convo. We're now facebook friends, one look at his profile and I've fallen even deeper in love! lol. I've been thinking about dude so much its crazy! I hope something good can come out of this... even though theres a 1 in 200 chance of this happening cuz we live in different cities, hes English, yes British English ( this is more a problem against me rather than for me cuz i don't mind dipping outside my race but does he?) and just a tad bit too short for me! lol! Despite my love being doomed, it's really fun, exciting and best of all pain-free!

I should really be working, cuz God know I have LOTS of work to do.
Nosa, will do the tag soon

Rasberry muffin love!!
me!x

Obama-mania

Long time no write! been hella busy....and lazy i will admit =)

Nyways, so whats new? Barrack Obama is now the president of the United states...Is that surreal or what? I mean, I still remember those days when me and dude used to hang......lol. This is the current trend for everybody (Kenyans, facebook people with everyone profile pics n status, JayZ , the formerly proud "black republican" to be claiming Obama) so I decided to jump on the bandwagon. You know if u can't beat them join them. So, I'm telling you now- Obama used to toast me way back in the days...until that fabulous michelle came n stole my man n now my dream. I could have been the first lady! lol.

On the real though, dude has what it takes and the guy can Speak! I watched his acceptance speech and I was almost moved to tears and I'm not even American and the dudes father is not Nigerian. lol. So whats now my own to be feeling all emotional. I swear that guy put jazz on his tounge or something. Which leads me to something else, I have this funny/crazy feeling/theory about dude. But I am not about to share before people will crucify me.

Back soon.
xxx

Limited knowledge/ Free to be me

I am now more than ever in a place where I realise they are so many things I do not know…yet. This unknowingness spans through almost every area I can think of; money management, spiritual things, the art of relationships, worldly things….the list is endless. I realise that I only know so little of these things and I guess this realisation is a good thing because it suggests the onset of a desire to know more and I read somewhere yesterday that its only when you get to the end of you knowledge/strength/resources that you can begin to rely fully on God. So, Jesus take the wheel! Before now, I sub consciously walked around like I knew a fair amount of things, you know, there were some areas I used to feel like a professor in. Now I laugh because they say and I paraphrase “In a blind mans kingdom, the one-eyed man is king” Therefore, it is walking among the “blind” that caused my superior thinking now I’m in the world of two-eyed men big time.

Forgive me for this me-me-me syndrome that is beginning to plague me. As, I said I really want to blog for me now. I mean I love the fact that you guys visit and even bother to comment. I used to be crazy about that stuff in the beginning, one comment from someone could literally make my day and it still does but its different now. Then I craved acceptance…it was all about the end product and how the “user” would relate with/perceive it. You know there were all these funny, witty, juicy gossip, interesting and drama overload blogs. I thought “if only I could be like them and have people drop like 50 comments on one post” lol… but you know what, I’m not, could even be that if I wanted to. I may not be funny, witty, have any thing particularly interesting to say, I may be random and confusing…heck! I don’t know…but I’m going to be me and if in the process of doing that I happen to interest/amuse you or whatever then, wow!... good for you!.

Really I think people ought to have like a mission statement before starting a blog so it can be really clear what you want…me I was doing follow-follow…I saw what other people had, a channel to express their opinion about anything and say what was on their mind, an open community and I wanted in but I didn’t actually cash in on it. I filtered my thoughts and everything…I was just blogging so I could get comments not that I got that many but those few I got where all I blogged for. And it’s nice to get comments but I got it twisted, I should blog for me and then if I happen to get any comments… an additional plus!

This blogsville issue is kinda parallel to real life. I’ve been ignoring myself, hiding, repressing myself so I can be the right model of good girl for mother/family/friends/teachers and everyone. I mean ok, I’m really a good girl sometimes but the problem is once you’re one you can’t stop being one cuz there are expectations and the pressure is killing! I swear I wish I rebelled more in my childhood. My sister moans that she hates being the “bad girl” but I envy her bad girl rep. she can mess up and not get much stick but then I guess she envies my good girl rep cuz people only speak friggin good of you! Labels in general suck! I pray I don’t make that mistake with my kids. Even the worst people have good in them and even the best people have some bad in them, overlooking either side could be fatal. I really just want to be free to be me…whatever that may be..

Lots of mushy strawberry love..lol
me